Friday, January 8, 2010

Sights and Sounds...

Currently, there is a plumber in my house, working feverishly to unclog the kitchen sink. Sure, the condo design flaw may have contributed to the drain’s demise – along with my propensity to throw too-many-vegetable-and-fruit-peelings into the garbage disposal (oh, sure, blame me for cooking healthy. I'd rather the carrot clog my kitchen sink than the Big Mac go after my heart)- but the events leading up to this exact moment are worth a thousand words. Hopefully it won’t take me that long to explain.

SIGHTS AND SOUNDS I’ve encountered this past week….

SOUND: Mechanical snake whirring through my kitchen drains.
SIGHT: Plumber under the sink feeding said mechanical snake into the drains.

SOUND: Swearing.
SIGHT: Plumber’s white shirt no longer white.

SOUND: Mechanical snake coming to a grinding halt.
SIGHT: You don’t want to know.

Enough of that…

Other things I’ve encountered-

SOUND: Amtrak and Coaster Train horns blowing
SIGHT: My Dad jumping up and down to see said trains approach the station.

SOUND: Tabbitha’s snarl at Anabelle.
SIGHT: The Mini Monster chasing The House Monster out of the litter box, in (what I can only assume was) an attempt to watch the world’s largest kitty bm.

SOUND: The thud of the world’s largest kitty turd.
SIGHT: You don’t want to know.

SOUND: Jaws dropping in surprise.
SIGHT: My fellow Master’s swimmers gaping at the 10 X 200 mainset on x:xx interval the other day.

SOUND: The cracking of my ankle – the loudest one yet.
SIGHT: Me on my ART’s massage table, relieved because my ankle “cracked” for the first time since Kona. Seriously.

SOUND: Max Heart Rate – thud thud thud thud –
SIGHT: Me taking my 30 minute LT Bike test. My coach is evil and I gave her the mental middle finger at the end of my test.

SOUND: Me…gasping for air.
SIGHT: My reaction to discovering my max heart rate and average heart rate were separated by three beats on my test. Ouch. Double Ouch. Triple Ouch. You get the idea.

SOUND: Plumber sighing in exasperation at the contents of my drain pipes.
SIGHT: Plumber lecturing me about responsible garbage disposal usage.

SOUND: Screams of terror eminating from my person.
SIGHT: Me running away from (what seemed to be) a rabid gopher.

SOUND: Laughter of bystanders.
SIGHT: A befuddled me looking towards an overly large and extremely territorial squirrel.

SOUND: Comfortable shoes shuffling across marble floors.
SIGHT: Thousands of similarly-dressed historians at the AHA Conference in San Diego.

SOUND: Grinding halt of machinery. Exasperated sighs of the plumber. Something squishy sounding hitting the floor.
SIGHT: I’m too afraid to look.

SOUND: Many sighs, some gasps, and the sound of the mechanical snake being retracted.
SIGHT: (in the plumber’s words). Black gooey gunk, with a very lovely odor to it. For the record, I’m safely hidden from sight in the living room.

SOUND: the tinkling of Christmas Tree Ornaments.
SIGHT: Anabelle in the tree. Again. What else is new? I swear, that cat is a fake Christmas Tree Killer.

SOUND: More groans from the kitchen.
*Okay, now I feel downright sorry for the guy. If I had more of a heart, I would offer to help. But my stomach is the weak one of the pair…and I know that the overpriced sushi I ate for lunch will make a reappearance if I go anywhere NEAR the kitchen. But he’s really moaning and groaning… I hope he doesn’t pass out. Then that would be a REAL mess. At least its not crap, right..? (involuntary shudder).

SOUND: The Carlsbad Pool lifeguard asking if I was okay.
SIGHT: Me – gasping for air at the end of my swim test. For the record, I was okay. Just bareley.

SOUND: Tofu, sautéing in olive oil with a little bit of garlic.
SIGHT: Tofu Stir Fry…our household staple has returned.

SOUND: Gentlemen Jack (Whiskey) being poured into two Chrystal tumblers.
SIGHT: Dad and Nathaniel, enjoying a post-convention and post-work drink.

SOUND: The vacuum being used under the sink. Again.
SIGHT: The plumber trying to clean up the remnants….

Oy vay… this could be a long process. I can safely say – dear friends – that I’m happy you are NOT here to share my adventures. One annoyed plumber is enough for me, thank-you-very-much.

Tomorrow I’ve got a local 5k race to jump start my run “speed”. I laugh at that, mostly because Ironman killed any speed that I had, and I’ve done absolutely NO speedwork since, um…hhhmmmmm? Before Kona…? But no matter – I’m looking forward the race, and the opportunity to be FINISHED racing in less than 20 or 30 minutes. And it’s been a very long time since I could safely say that.

I think now I’ll go back to my plumber. He seems to be wrapping things up – at least I can hear pipes being screwed back into place, and the vacuum seems to have finally stopped. I’ll do my best to keep a straight face, but as I have a problem with laugher, I can make no guarantees. The other alternative is losing my lunch. And as I’m racing tomorrow morning, well – I would take laughter over the other any time. Regardless, it will be interesting…


Anonymous said...

Wowza! Them's some ferocious carrot peelings... poor plumber dude.


On the other hand, good luck on your 5k.

cherelli said...

ha - hilarious! Very creative way of putting images into readers heads :) Would've loved to have seen the squirrel moment.

Anonymous said...

wait, the mini-monster is chasing the house monster?!? Does the HM's size and intimidation factor not faze the MM??? I have to see this.

Teresa said...

What a creative and image inducing post! Very well written. Poor plumber dude, poor you in the pool,some tough stuff going on in there!

Smiles ahead!


Nicole @ Geek Turned Athlete said...

I would lose it too with the sink! The smell would have gotten me! Poor guy! Garbage disposals are illegal in Germany so I have a bowl by the sink that I put all my biodegradable stuff in (excluding meats). I've got to throw that out once a day because otherwise it will start stinking. I can only imagine what that black gunk smelled like in your sink! :)

Damie said...

Cute! I know the 5k will be fun- it may be weird after all of the long stuff, but I guarantee you will probably be steady!!!!

GoBigGreen said...

Go marit!
I swear my T pace was about 2-3" faster than I thought it would be thanks to your training time here.. Or the turns?!
It's -13 here this am so I am not sure if I could have even gotten a run test in anyways. How do you do it on a TM? Ugh!!!
Hope it went well and I agree that bike test was evil I would do the swim weekly over that bike!

Herrad said...

Hi Marit,
Best wishes for 2010.
Please come by my blog and pick up your award.