Friday, January 8, 2010

Sights and Sounds...

Currently, there is a plumber in my house, working feverishly to unclog the kitchen sink. Sure, the condo design flaw may have contributed to the drain’s demise – along with my propensity to throw too-many-vegetable-and-fruit-peelings into the garbage disposal (oh, sure, blame me for cooking healthy. I'd rather the carrot clog my kitchen sink than the Big Mac go after my heart)- but the events leading up to this exact moment are worth a thousand words. Hopefully it won’t take me that long to explain.

SIGHTS AND SOUNDS I’ve encountered this past week….

SOUND: Mechanical snake whirring through my kitchen drains.
SIGHT: Plumber under the sink feeding said mechanical snake into the drains.

SOUND: Swearing.
SIGHT: Plumber’s white shirt no longer white.

SOUND: Mechanical snake coming to a grinding halt.
SIGHT: You don’t want to know.

Enough of that…

Other things I’ve encountered-

SOUND: Amtrak and Coaster Train horns blowing
SIGHT: My Dad jumping up and down to see said trains approach the station.

SOUND: Tabbitha’s snarl at Anabelle.
SIGHT: The Mini Monster chasing The House Monster out of the litter box, in (what I can only assume was) an attempt to watch the world’s largest kitty bm.

SOUND: The thud of the world’s largest kitty turd.
SIGHT: You don’t want to know.

SOUND: Jaws dropping in surprise.
SIGHT: My fellow Master’s swimmers gaping at the 10 X 200 mainset on x:xx interval the other day.

SOUND: The cracking of my ankle – the loudest one yet.
SIGHT: Me on my ART’s massage table, relieved because my ankle “cracked” for the first time since Kona. Seriously.

SOUND: Max Heart Rate – thud thud thud thud –
SIGHT: Me taking my 30 minute LT Bike test. My coach is evil and I gave her the mental middle finger at the end of my test.

SOUND: Me…gasping for air.
SIGHT: My reaction to discovering my max heart rate and average heart rate were separated by three beats on my test. Ouch. Double Ouch. Triple Ouch. You get the idea.

SOUND: Plumber sighing in exasperation at the contents of my drain pipes.
SIGHT: Plumber lecturing me about responsible garbage disposal usage.

SOUND: Screams of terror eminating from my person.
SIGHT: Me running away from (what seemed to be) a rabid gopher.

SOUND: Laughter of bystanders.
SIGHT: A befuddled me looking towards an overly large and extremely territorial squirrel.

SOUND: Comfortable shoes shuffling across marble floors.
SIGHT: Thousands of similarly-dressed historians at the AHA Conference in San Diego.

SOUND: Grinding halt of machinery. Exasperated sighs of the plumber. Something squishy sounding hitting the floor.
SIGHT: I’m too afraid to look.

SOUND: Many sighs, some gasps, and the sound of the mechanical snake being retracted.
SIGHT: (in the plumber’s words). Black gooey gunk, with a very lovely odor to it. For the record, I’m safely hidden from sight in the living room.

SOUND: the tinkling of Christmas Tree Ornaments.
SIGHT: Anabelle in the tree. Again. What else is new? I swear, that cat is a fake Christmas Tree Killer.

SOUND: More groans from the kitchen.
*Okay, now I feel downright sorry for the guy. If I had more of a heart, I would offer to help. But my stomach is the weak one of the pair…and I know that the overpriced sushi I ate for lunch will make a reappearance if I go anywhere NEAR the kitchen. But he’s really moaning and groaning… I hope he doesn’t pass out. Then that would be a REAL mess. At least its not crap, right..? (involuntary shudder).

SOUND: The Carlsbad Pool lifeguard asking if I was okay.
SIGHT: Me – gasping for air at the end of my swim test. For the record, I was okay. Just bareley.

SOUND: Tofu, sautéing in olive oil with a little bit of garlic.
SIGHT: Tofu Stir Fry…our household staple has returned.

SOUND: Gentlemen Jack (Whiskey) being poured into two Chrystal tumblers.
SIGHT: Dad and Nathaniel, enjoying a post-convention and post-work drink.

SOUND: The vacuum being used under the sink. Again.
SIGHT: The plumber trying to clean up the remnants….

Oy vay… this could be a long process. I can safely say – dear friends – that I’m happy you are NOT here to share my adventures. One annoyed plumber is enough for me, thank-you-very-much.

Tomorrow I’ve got a local 5k race to jump start my run “speed”. I laugh at that, mostly because Ironman killed any speed that I had, and I’ve done absolutely NO speedwork since, um…hhhmmmmm? Before Kona…? But no matter – I’m looking forward the race, and the opportunity to be FINISHED racing in less than 20 or 30 minutes. And it’s been a very long time since I could safely say that.

I think now I’ll go back to my plumber. He seems to be wrapping things up – at least I can hear pipes being screwed back into place, and the vacuum seems to have finally stopped. I’ll do my best to keep a straight face, but as I have a problem with laugher, I can make no guarantees. The other alternative is losing my lunch. And as I’m racing tomorrow morning, well – I would take laughter over the other any time. Regardless, it will be interesting…

8 comments:

Titanium said...

Wowza! Them's some ferocious carrot peelings... poor plumber dude.

*Cringing*

On the other hand, good luck on your 5k.

cherelli said...

ha - hilarious! Very creative way of putting images into readers heads :) Would've loved to have seen the squirrel moment.

Greg Remaly said...

wait, the mini-monster is chasing the house monster?!? Does the HM's size and intimidation factor not faze the MM??? I have to see this.

Teresa said...

What a creative and image inducing post! Very well written. Poor plumber dude, poor you in the pool,some tough stuff going on in there!

Smiles ahead!

tn

Nicole @ Geek Turned Athlete said...

I would lose it too with the sink! The smell would have gotten me! Poor guy! Garbage disposals are illegal in Germany so I have a bowl by the sink that I put all my biodegradable stuff in (excluding meats). I've got to throw that out once a day because otherwise it will start stinking. I can only imagine what that black gunk smelled like in your sink! :)

Damie said...

Cute! I know the 5k will be fun- it may be weird after all of the long stuff, but I guarantee you will probably be steady!!!!

GoBigGreen said...

Go marit!
I swear my T pace was about 2-3" faster than I thought it would be thanks to your training time here.. Or the turns?!
It's -13 here this am so I am not sure if I could have even gotten a run test in anyways. How do you do it on a TM? Ugh!!!
Hope it went well and I agree that bike test was evil I would do the swim weekly over that bike!

Herrad said...

Hi Marit,
Best wishes for 2010.
Please come by my blog and pick up your award.
Love,
Herrad