A few good activities...

Interested in a few good ideas...? Suggestions or tips on making life more 'liveley'?

Try this:

Tofu stir fry...? Er, perhaps not. Suffice to say, tonight was the LAST time in a LONG TIME that Nathaniel and I will eat the stuff. Promise.

How about this?

Swedish Fish anyone??

Only to be topped by....

THE MOST GIANT BAG of Swedish fish AND Peanut M&Ms. Well - the MOST GIANT BAGS of candy that I've ever seen. YEA! Life. Is. Good. (small sigh).

And with all that candy... we're going to need some exercise.

How about chasing your tail??

And after that - time for sleep!

Or at least some R&R.

Well earned and deserved, especially for a House Monster!

The T List

Well folks, as the training winds down and the taper begins, I find myself epitomizing the 'creature of habit' motto. Sometimes it feels like my life is one big "T". And here's why...

TOFU: We have it, all the time. Well, actually Tofu Stir Fry. And while its delicious (and nutritious), I can safely say that post Ironman, I want nothing to do with this delectable soy product. And Nathaniel deserves an award for eating it as much as I make him.

TIME: I feel like I'm running out. Yet, I feel like race day will never arrive. It's just one big time warp. How fitting that one of my current reads is "The Time Travelers Wife".

TIRES: According to the bike shop, the tires on my bike are done. Finito. No longer safe to be ridden outside. (Thanks goodness that I'm using different race wheels!) Sure, one too many trainer-rides most definitely had a hand in doing them in... Bottom line - both the front and rear need replacing. And when the nice guy at the bike shop inquired what kind of tires I wanted, I replied, "Don't bother replacing them, because I'm not going to ride my bike for three months after Ironman."

THREE (months): Okay, perhaps that was a bit extreme. Let's make it two.

TABBITHA: Can definitely tell that something is up. The House Monster knows, with the help of massive piles of laundry and a bike box in the middle of the dining room, that something is most definitely up. Fortunately, Anabelle is clueless. But still cute.

TAPER: It has begun! Hallelujah!!

TIRED: Well, that's to be expected. Hello - Ironman training! But in all seriousness, I've been excessively fatigued the past few days and it caught up to me last night in the form of a slightly sore throat and general yucky feeling-ness. So I've taken today and tomorrow off, and given my body a chance to relax and fight off whatever it is I'm fighting. At this stage of the game, all I can do is take it easy, relax, and take care of myself.

THANKFUL: For great friends and wonderful support. I am beyond grateful to all the helpful advice, comments, well-wishes, and good vibes. THANK YOU.

TREMENDOUS: That would be my friend Donna, who had the race of her life last weekend. Congratulations Donna - you have such a BRIGHT future! Keep believing, have fun, keep it up because it is working! YOU are an inspiration!

TOTALLY (hungry): which is what I am now. So I'm going to eat dinner! Tofu stir fry?? Again??? Perhaps not...

The back and forth of it all

It seems that so much and yet so little has been swirling around my head in these past few weeks. In the final few weeks, errr, days of preparation before Ironman Hawaii, I'm still trying my darnedest to figure things out and to process everything.

And while I am absolutely grateful for this opportunity to race on The Big Island, grateful for a second shot in the sport when - during parts of last year I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to set foot on a triathlon course again, let alone think about swim-bike-run, grateful that I have the ability to actually DO this - I am experiencing many challenging ups and downs.

There are times when I am BEYOND EXCITED!!!!

The prospect of being on Hawaii, swimming with turtles, celebrating the fact that I'm racing in Kona, seeing old friends and making new ones, praying to Pele and the Hawaiian Gods (yes I will appease them to the best of my ability), sipping coffee on the lanai while looking out at the WARM ocean...well... I can't wait.

Then there are other times where I feel beyond overwhelmed. Like.. can I even do this? Have I done enough? Have I done too much? The constant fatigue...that's normal...right? Am I mentally able to stay STRONG for another Ironman...because I know how hard I worked for that first one a few short months ago. Can I do this...again?

Rationally, I KNOW that I've got the best coach around and that I 100% trust Jennifer Harrison. Rationally, I KNOW that I've gone the distance before and that I can do it again (knock on wood). Rationally I KNOW that I'm training for an Ironman, so there WILL be fatigue. Not only that - I'm training for TWO Ironmans...so there will most definitely be fatigue. Rationally...I KNOW that I can do this - because deep down I know what it takes and I BELIVE in myself, the training, and my coach.

But at the end of the day, I still see myself in the mirror and I still question.

These past few weeks have been interesting, to say the least. I've gotten the chance to speak with many many triathletes training for Kona - and the resounding responses that I get from the majority are, "Yes, I've had a few breakdowns...yes, I've stopped in the middle of workouts...yes, I feel neurotic at times...yes, I'm tired, hungry, and cranky, and my loved ones have to put up with me...yes, I just want the race to get here and be DONE...yes, I can't wait until its all over."

So the big question, then: why do we do it?

If its this difficult, then why bother in the first place?

I'll admit that when I get really stressed out, I find the only way to get through my work/day/workout is to step outside of myself, almost as though I'm looking at myself from another person's perspective. Detach and observe from a distance...

If I can view what I'm doing from somewhere else - then it doesn't seem so bad. My responses (when viewed almost outside my body) to workouts, fatigue, stress all seem normal. And I'm much more kinder and more understand to myself when things get rough, when a workout is hard, or even...if the cat box is full and stinks and I just don't feel like scooping the poop.

Because who really wants to scoop poop? But I digress...

The other night when I told my Mom about how I was handling the stress, she sounded really really worried. She explained about how some people who survive traumatic events (ie abuse, rape, neglect, war, highly highly stressful situations/environments), how they oftentimes detach from their situation in order to survive.

Now I'm not implying by ANY MEANS that I've got it bad. Relatively speaking - life has been humming along pretty darned tootin' good. Except for this Ironman Monster in the back of my head. So yes, the stress and subsequent detatchment is self-imposed.

But at the end of the day, I keep returning to the 'Why?' question.

In the past when someone has asked me why I do the sport, why I push myself, why I compete - I've always explained that I learn the MOST about myself through training and competition. Most of it has been really good. Lately, though, I've had a few tough lessons. But I'm NOT complaining...not one bit. Because had I not ventured down this road, I never would have figured these things out in the first place.

At the end of the day, I do the sport because I love the training, I really enjoy the people, I love the satisfaction at the end of a tough workout, and I love to compete. Somewhere in this pre-Kona-Ironman stress, I've lost sight of some of that...instead focusing on the Big Scary Unknown Ironman Monster. And its been tough.

But I was reminded the other day, very unexpectedly. While channel surfing one evening, an old broadcast of Ironman Hawaii was aired. The race wasn't what caught my attention. Rather, it was the emotions, the tears, the joy, the happiness at the finish line. Before I realized it, I found myself shedding tears and crying while watching people cross that famed finish line. And I knew then that I HAD to do this race, I had to stick to my plan, had to follow through until the very end.

At the end of the day - is Ironman for me?

That's a tough question. Coeur d'Alene was amazing and I would NEVER take back that experience, not in a million years or for a zillion Kona slots. But training for Kona has been different. And I'm not sure if that's because 1) I'm nearing the end of my season 2) The distance is still scary 3) Its KONA 4) I miss my short course speed and race schedule 5) the stress has not been easy.

There are a few things that I DO know.

I know that I'm ready, even if I'm tired. I know that when push comes to shove, when the voice in the back of my head whispers about doubt and failure, that I'll have a response and be ready to push harder. I know that I'm GRATEFUL that I'm not a professional - because this race is FUN, its about celebrating the fact that I got there and went through some tough times in order to do so. And I know that I'm ready to give it my all, even if the training hasn't been easy.

Because good things in life rarely are.

To everyone racing towards the end of their season, all I can say is Hang in there - you are NOT alone. And you're doing GREAT. It may not be easy, pleasant, or even fun at times...but thing about the finish, think about the good, think about why we do this sport in the first place.

And if that doesn't help - think about the beer and pizza at the end.

I know that I already am.

Things! GREAT things.

Regardless of the many ups and downs of life, there are many MANY things that I'm thankful for. And when times get tough, I try to keep 'stuff' in perspective as much as possible. I do the sport because I love it, I think the people are really great, and the lifelong lessons I've learned about myself and, err, life in general are truly spectacular.

So when times get tough, when the legs feel awful and the heart isn't 100% into it, or when I'm just plain tired I remember the good things.

The GREAT things.

Like.....

-Foggy mornings and calm ocean waters

- Watching the sunset, bright colors spreading across the sky

- Snuggling in a warm, comfy bed with a great hubby (and sometimes a random kitty who wants to be fed)

- A bike seat that I LOVE (thank you ISM Adamo Saddle!!!)

- Fantastic friends...there are too many to thank.

- Having the ability to do something that I love. Correction: the ability to do MANY things that I love.

- Sunday Football, and all the fun that goes with it.

- A quirky sense of humor - hey, its kept me (mostly) sane.

- British Comedy. The ONLY problem with "Fawlty Towers", is the lack of episodes. Only 12 were ever made. And for the BEST comedy series of all time, I find this unacceptable. But I still LOVE the show. Brilliant!

- Alba cocoa butter hand and body lotion. Sure, it makes me crave a Pina Colada, but it also makes me feel nice. So there.

- I have a roof over my head, people who love me, air to breathe, and...all that good stuff (as both my Dad and now husband tell me when I get a little overly stressed).

- Dude - I'm going to Hawaii in a little over a week. Sure - there's a race involved. But seriously - I'm going to Hawaii!

- Pink compression socks.

- Toothpaste - because I like my teeth. In my mouth.

- Meeting Soren Trowbridge for the first time a few weeks ago. There is nothing like a newborn baby. He was absolutely adorable. And while I'm not quit ready for one of my own (YET), he gives me a very convincing reason to want a little one of my own. Congratulations again to Dave and Meredith!

- Survivor! And while we're at it: The Amazing Race!

- Grocery store items with the expiration date AFTER IM Hawaii. It is always nice to know that life continues after this race. And to see it in print just adds another dimension.

- Baked goods!

- Deck chairs, surrounded by flowers, with a good book waiting.

- Knowing that there are good people in the world, who do wonderful things. Getting to SEE that is even better.

- Tabbitha's vet, who told her, "Tabbitha - you're a new woman!" after she lost a little bit of weight and got rid of her fleas.

- Succulents. Because they're really neat feeling and Nathaniel has an odd fascination with them. Plus - the word 'succulent'.

- A wonderful family.

I feel TRULY lucky. And extremely fortunate to be able to participate in a sport I love so much. A little over a year ago, I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to, let alone be able to. So even if it means a few tough workouts here or there, a bit of tiredness, and the same dinner repeated over and over again (because I lack creativity in the mean planning department when I'm trashed from training), life is really pretty good.
A very relaxed Tabbitha. Can't you tell she's lost a little bit of weight?? Yes!?!

Good Less Good

In an effort to stay as positive as possible in these final few weeks leading up to IM Hawaii, I think I'll make the following list. Enjoy!

Good: Arriving at the pool on time, happy and excited.
Less Good: Woa. Um...where are my arms? And legs? And...lungs...?

Good: Completing a spectacular warm up and pull set
Less Good: Exiting the pool 500 meters into the 2,000 meter main set.

Good: Kept my composure (mostly)
Less Good: There were tears (on the pool deck).

Good: NO tears while swimming!
Less Good: Trying to maintain composure when people asked if I was okay.

Good: Very supportive Masters coach who told me I needed to eat plenty of chocolate today.
Less Good: Lack of chocolate in the house.

Good: Well, there were plenty of chocolate gels.
Less Good: Ew. Chocolate gels.

Good: Giving myself permission to STOP the workout when it just didn't feel right.
Less Good: First time in recent memory I've cracked in a workout (that I can remember).

Good: First time in recent memory that I've cracked in a workout (that I can remember).
Less Good: It just had to be in front of other people (brilliant)

Good: Realizing that I'm almost done with this Ironman thing
Less Good: Woa. I'm signed up for St. George. Double shit.

Good: Its not like I have to do St. George
Less Good: Loosing more money to the M-Dot corporation.

Good: Realizing that I've been pushing so hard for so long, and that EVERYONE I know who is training for Kona is feeling this way. I'm not the only one.
Less Good: Why do we do this?

Good: Stonyfield Frozen Vanilla Yogurt!
Less Good: It wasn't the Ben & Jerry's that I was eying.

Good: Stonyfield Frozen Vanilla FAT FREE Yogurt!
Less Good: It wasn't the Ben & Jerry's that I was eying.

Good: Stonyfield Frozen Vanilla FAT FREE and GUILT FREE Yogurt.
Less Good: I give up...

Good: Tomorrow is a new day with a new workout.
Great: Tomorrow is a new day.