Wednesday, September 16, 2009

You know....

YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE TRAINING FOR IRONMAN WHEN:

- You wake up at 4:30 am, ravenously hungry, and even the cat looks good.

- 1,000 meters at the pool is a warm up.

- You carry around hand sanitizer and use it all the time, for fear of germs, germs, and more germs. And at the grocery store, when there are no more sanitizing wipes left for you car (germs!), you break out the hand sanitizer.

- You stop being self-conscious in compression socks, athletic gear, and apparel that you would not normally wear in public.

- A quick trip to the car sans bra in order to pick up fill-in-the-blank is perfectly okay. Because you are constantly making trips to the car to pick up other sorts of fill-in-the-blanks.

-First breakfast at 4:00 am is a frequent occurrence.

- Riding the bike for four hours on a weekend seems...so...short?

-You consider throwing a tantrum that would put the kid in Isle 9 to shame, just because the store is OUT of Swedish Fish.

- Late night TV? Leno is now on at 10 pm? Funny joke - NOT going to happen.

- You buy new running shoes every 8 weeks.

- You are on a first-name basis with the receptionist at your ART therapist/massage therapist/ ? therapist's office. And even they are familiar with your (particular) ailments).

- Hello tan lines. Bike shoes/running shoes, bike shorts, bathing suit, bike tops, running tops, and my personal favorite? Goggle and swim cap lines. Yes, at this point, my forehead is muliti-colored along my cap line.

- You are so used to riding with gels, baggies of powdered drink mix, spare tubes, patch kit stuff, bars (because really - how many gels can you really ingest without hurling?), salt tablet canisters, maps, and everything-short-of-the-kitchen-sink, wearing ONLY a bike top feels oddly...refreshing.

- Two showers per day are common. Three aren't unheard of.

- Your sex life is based around your long ride schedule. 7-hours in the saddle and trust me when I say it is NOT happening.

- You are still swimming 10, 15...20 minutes after the rest of your Masters swim team leaves the pool.

- You try running "fast" and picking up your legs, only to realize that you look ridiculous and that all your speed left when you 1) stopped doing speed workouts and 2) starting running long all the time. You miss the track.

- You eat until you are bursting...only to realize 45 minutes later that...you're still physically hungry but uncomfortably full.

-On long rides, you pretty much discover what you CAN and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES CAN NOT eat. Coke is okay...along with gummy worms, Swedish fish, fig newtons. Candy corn, peanut butter cups, and coffee with cream - not so much.

-You don't get slimmer. You get stronger.

- Your hair stylist looks at your split ends and comments, "wow - you must spend a lot of time in the sun. Or in chlorine." How about both?

- Creativity and meal planning? Ha! A joke! Its the same recycled meals...week after week after week... Currently tofu stir fry is our "favorite". The big decision? Do we go with Spicy Kung Pao sauce OR Teriyaki Ginger?

- Your lane mates know that its Monday because you're wearing the red and orange suit and Wednesday, because you're wearing the blue and purple suit.

-Reading anything intellectually stimulating is impossible. Staring at the book in a post-workout stupor is much more common.

- On that note...staring at the television in a post-workout stupor becomes the norm. And usually it takes a minute or two for something funny to register.

- You suddenly become very aware of every twinge, pain, hot spot, and are immediately convinced that if you don't deal with it NOW, you will be sidelined for weeks.

- When you've got a headache, you wonder if its from dehydration, salt depletion OR just a headache. Water...salt tabs...and Motrin. In that order.

- You find yourselves going to different convenience stores to pick up 40-lb bags of ice, because you're sick of the same clerk asking the same questions. Woa! That's a lot of ice! You must be having some party, right?

- You have three...wait four!....months of wine bottles for your wine club membership waiting to be picked up because you just don't want bottles upon bottles upon bottles of temptation in the house.

- You think that you may be prone to sleep walking and sleep eating, but you're not sure. The trail of broken wheat thins...bread crumbs on the counter...and empty chocolate wrapper in the pantry make you suspect though.

- Simple things - an orchestra's performance, a pelican flying in the breeze, a kitty stretching - can capture your attention and hold it for an inordinate amount of time.

- You start calculating the amount of salt not only in your training foods, but regular foods as well.

- You start referring to life as "after the IM" or "before the IM".

- The laundry makes it (mostly) from the floor to the washer to the dryer to....the futon. And there. It. Sits. Semi-folded.

-You get used to hearing the BBC news broadcast early in the morning as you drive to X practice.

- Investing in chamois cream companies seem like a pretty promising idea, based on how much you use and how frequently you use it.

- You smell like the pool, even on days when you don't swim.

- You dream about the time when you can stay out late, eat junk, drink more than what's necessary, sleep in and...hhhmmmm.....what will you do on Saturday?

- You get emotional watching the online coverage of other Ironman races, because you know that one day you'll be there.

- You are ready, willing, and MORE than able to fight the old lady for the last package of fill-in-the-blank. Because you are training for an Ironman, and YOU ARE HUNGRY.

- You have a short attention span and-

30 comments:

TriGirl Kate O said...

Yeah, those long ride Saturdays and date nights could NOT be scheduled for the same date. And goodness knows when you're waking up at 5am to get to those long rides that the night before doesn't work either.

Beth said...

HA! This is my favorite: "You wake up at 4:30 am, ravenously hungry, and even the cat looks good."

Watch out kitties!! :)

Train-This said...

well said girl! well said!

ADC said...

Yay for the BBC news :)))) My favourite -the sex one - soooo true.

Anonymous said...

Just curious, how are you able to devote so much time to training? Do you work?

Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach said...

Leave me your name Anonymous, and I'll tell you ALL about what I do.

Elizabeth A. Rich said...

Oh YES!!! So true. Especially the TV stupor because the book is too hard to focus on. And I never knew what I wad watching. LOL!!! I can't wait to cheer you on in Kona!!!!!!

kerrie said...

very funny!
i personally just can't do the early morning thing - i'm so impressed with your discipline!!!

Amanda said...

these are great! love the "still hungry but so full"...so true!

Nice training!

Ange said...

ahhh, all so true. I got in the shower this morning (rare...day off!) and chlorine smell overtook me....!
and yes, alwasy hungry.:)

BriGaal said...

This could alternately be titled: Why Bri KNOWS she doesn't want to train for an Ironman :)

Can't wait to track you during the Big Show!

Mama Simmons said...

I had to laugh at the 2 or 3 showers a day. I'm too lazy/tired to take more than 1, so I walk around sweaty and gross much of the time (until the second w/o is done!)

and yes, our poor husbands...

Heidi Austin said...

my ultimate favorite- Your sex life is based around your long ride schedule. 7-hours in the saddle and trust me when I say it is NOT happening.

Hahahaha i say no after just a 4 hour ride...

Molly said...

Running to the CAR sans bra?! I went to the FARMERS MARKET straight from the pool last week to get my #$%^& sugar crepe. And in a white t-shirt at that (it's all I had with me). Clearly I have no shame where food is concerned.

Stacy said...

Love it! Can totally relate. Makes the whole dating thing a bit "interesting." Actually staying awake through an entire date is an accomplishment in itself!

Marni said...

I love them all!!

Runner Leana said...

Marit, hilarious! I will look forward to many of these things next year. Except the running around without a bra part. My girls just don't do "no bra."

Charisa said...

HAHA "And even the cat looks good" :) LOVE IT!!!

Teresa said...

Lets see...ummm...they all apply! Funny!

tn

GoBigGreen said...

You are so creative:) And ya know...the ONLY thing MN has that you dont for ice baths is snow. Hahaha. When i dont need them as much ( winter) i have to take em bc they are so free and so easy! Miss ya sweetie!

Greg Remaly said...

This all sounds so familiar....:) My favorite one is the "I'm full to the point of uncomfortableness but I still need to eat more"!

Jen said...

These are great, Marit! :)

Angela and David Kidd said...

Ha! Sadly I've experienced all of these. And poor David has certainly experienced your comment about it's impact on sex life. I think it's one of the main reasons he dislikes Ironmans.

Can't wait to scream at you over the computer!

Rebecca DeWire said...

What a great list! My favorite was defining life "after the IM" or "before the IM". That was is so true.

t-odd said...

OMG! I hope my wife never sees this list. She is already resentful of my training and I don't start for 7 months.

I know there will definitely be BIM and AIM on our calendar.

Can't wait for race day!

Rita in Toronto said...

Hello - I'm Anonymous delurking for you :-)

I'm just so amazed at how much you (and all triathletes) train...I don't know how you fit it all in! I guess I just assumed you either didn't have a full time job or perhaps you were self employed and had a more flexible schedule.

I mountain bike raced for several years but I could never seem to keep up to the ladies in my age group who had the time to train offroad every day because they didn't have a job to go to. It was so frustrating for me because I felt like I would never have the time to catch up.

Sherry said...

All so very true (even for my little world of 1/2 iron distance). :o) I'm very excited for you, Marit! It's getting so close!

Damie said...

ahhhh haaa ha ha ha!!!!! so true about the time in saddle + sex! Just last night Dave said he is soooo happy I have had to take time off of the bike! your post made me laugh so hard. xxxxxoooooooooooo yea Hawaii!!!!!!!!!

Kathleen @ ForgingAhead said...

This post is just brilliant! Thanks for giving me a peek into the life of an ironman. I have to say, a little scary!

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