Saturday, March 22, 2008

Saturday Observations

Hey there Sportsfans!

As usual, time has slipped away, and I find myself stuffed full of chocolate cake, sleepy, SORE, and happy that Dad and Nathaniel are such good company. All we need are Mom and Karyna, and the family would be complete. Throw in Tabbitha, and you've got a really full hose. However - given Tabbitha's attack-like disposition, combined with the fact that I don't want anyone else injured, Tabbitha would have to stay home.

If I've told her once, I've told her a thousand times: "Tabbitha - we don't attack our friends and family!"

But she never listens.

She just blinks, knowingly at me, and then lashes out at Nathaniel. Poor guy.

And our other friends.


FYI: Keep Caroline in your prayers this week - she's watching our House Monster while Nathaniel is keeping me company and playing a big role in my recovery.

Okay - where was I? Good question. Who knows? Not I. So proceed on, I will.


(Don't be alarmed - I talk to myself quite frequently. I find that for the most part, I make good company. Go figure. I think it explains a lot.)

Okay - I've been keeping a lot of mental observations over the past few days. On the drive home from the restaurant tonight (Dad took us out to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse - wonderful!) I started to tally up as many as I could remember.


-Make sure you wear some sort of nipple protection with your hospital gowns. Ladies - a sports bra or regular bra works great. Guys - you're on your own. Unlesss you want to give the busten-halter look a try. Otherwise, bandaids would help a lot as well. The cotton of the robes isn't quite as forgiving as the fabric I'm accustomed to.

-While we're on the subject of hospital gowns: make sure that yours is properly fastened in the back. Yeah. Good stuff. Otherwise you might find yourself walking down the hallway to rounds of applause after you pass. Not that this happened to me - just something I thought about before requesting a second robe to wear front-to-back. All I'm saying is cover all your bases! And keep your bases covered.

-Wow. There sure are a lot of speed bumps in California. Quite a pain in the you-know-what. Especially if you just had surgery on your you-know-what you-know-where.

-Be aware that nothing that you show the nurses will surprise them. It doesen't matter if your apologize in advance, or give them fair warning. Which I did all last week. Hopefully with YOU, nothing will be new either. (But it doesen't hurt to apologize. How would YOU like to poke around someone's rear end?) Wait. Don't answer that. Sorry I asked.

-No shark sightings yet. But it doesen't mean I haven't spent plenty of time looking. I know that they're there...

-It's funny to see non-triathlon people (Dad and Nathaniel) react to the Pacific Ocean temperature (currently, a balmy 57 degrees). They jump and yelp in surprise. I smile and wade further into the surf.

-Post surgery and post accident, my body has decided to swell. Literally, it is swollen. I no longer have cankeles: hooray! Instead, everything from about mid-thigh level through my waist is thicker, solid, swollen. For the first time in recent memory, I look as thought I've got "back". "Baby Got Back" could be aptly applied to me, at this point. Go figure. Just fall of your bike, have major surgery - and voila! The perfect Brazilian Butt Lift!

-My clothes no longer fit. Yoga pants, SOFT cotton shirts, and sandals it is. Yippee! Nothing tight or constrained. And if anyone says anything to me about my appearance, I'll just spray them with my folley. hee hee hee. Because I can!

-Speaking of plastic surgery: wow - there's a lot that I've seen. Not all that great for a Midwestern-girl-at-heart-currently-living-in-Florida, who looks 20-30 pounds heavier, and walks around (to quote Bridget Jones!) "like she's got a giant gherkin thrust up her backside." Not the most fantastic time to look/feel bloated and slow. Oh well. My real body is just hiding, lying in wait until the perfect opportunity to emerge and reign supreme.

Did I just say that outloud?


-The waiters and waitstaff at really nice restaurants look as though they're part of an intricate dance: one moves to the left bearing a tray of chocolate desserts, while the other moves to the right, balancing two trays of wine and water. Brilliant (although, we were hoping for a crash... would have thrown some drama into the evening. Alas, nothing happened.)

-When you're a nice patient on a tough hospital ward, the nurses will fight over which one gets to work with you. AND - if they really like you, they'll bring you extra cherry and strawberry jello. My nurses - especially Pam and Suzanne, were fantastic, and I will forever remember them. They brought me jello AND helped conduct a super-secret covert operation on my behalf.

Wednesday night, around 10:10 pm, I found myself being moved from one double room, to a private room. Quickly and quietly, Pam, Suzanne, and the floor assistant Carmelita, stealthily transferred me (on my bed), my drawers, bags, flowers, IVs, and other items across the 4th Floor West Ward. The mission was to give me a private room, so that Nathaniel could sleep in a cot beside my bed. I had been rooming in a double - which was scheduled to get an additional patient sometime in the middle of the night. So, operating under super secrecty (this was very unconventional, and my move wasn't approved by anyone else...a big no-no at this particular hospital), Camelita, Pam, and Suzanne moved me (strapped to the bed and slightly bewildered) into a different room.)

They were GREAT!

Morale of the story: be nice to your nurses!

-Now that I'm recovering, I'm beginning to itch. A lot. The road rash is NOT fun, and I woke up last night - not to the pain in my rear - but from my elbow road rash cracking open from putting the slightest amount of pressure on it. Go figure. Neosporin should be part of a race kit, if you ask me.

-This is the WRONG time to have it be "my time of the month." Which it now is. The good news: is that the sensory nerves that are in control of THAT particular bodily function are all in working order. Most excellent.

-Do not make comments on other people's blogs after taking pain medication. You might not follow your own train of thought. Something that I only do half the time, anyway.

-I feel other people's pain: while watching a player go down during the NCAA basketball tournament, I felt my butt involuntarily twitch. Not a pleasant experience, but great because THAT sensory nerve is working and accounted for.

-I am becoming a super stud at chaning out the overnight folley to the daytime folley. Simple! Down to 7 or 8 minutes from 20 (yesterday).

-Make sure that when you make any slightly or potentially embarassing statements over the phone, that you're not on speaker phone. Like I was. I thought I was talking to my Mother-In-Law, who used to work as a nurse. So there I went - chatting away about my medical issues, the good, the bad, the ugly - thinking that at least SHE would understand. Lo and behold, the entire Lauterbach family is now aware of my medical issues. The good, the bad, AND yes - even the ugly. They tried to understand, but I think they were more grossed out than anything else.

-People who are on speaker phone should be warned!

-I can still maintain my sense of humor and zest for life a few days after my accident. Sure, I"ve had a few down spots, but I've also had a few up times as well. That's life.

-You gotta roll with the punches!


BreeWee said...

I Just LOVE you! Marit you are simply amazing and it is a refreshing thing in this life to have a friend like you that smiles during hard times! Keep it up... you will heal quicker that way and be totally rewarded for your attitude! It is contagious that joy you have and it is spreading into your posts and making homesick me feel so happy! Please let me know if I can do anything for you... I am praying big time and maybe that is all you need right now... keep strong! I am going to dedicate my IM Japan to you! I will race it super hard for the both of us okay!!! Shoots- I remember when I was training for my first IM and I ended up pregnant and missed my chance I was bitter... BUT it made me love it and appreciate it all the more and I am sure you will be similar and once you get through this you can get through ANYTHING! Okay, I wrote you too much... heal well! Speedy recovery...

Anonymous said...

You are doing such a super job. Keep your chin up and each day WILL get better & better! Jen H.

Beth said...

Hey Marit! Loved your post... Two comments:

1) as an employee of a hospital I found out very quickly that nurses are the ones that run hospitals and to keep them happy is key!! friendly, upbeat patients get the best nurses and the best care - they probably LOVED you!

2) and as a patient in a hospital I quickly found out that those gowns are brutal! I hated how they opened in the back so I asked for two but by the first night I was so tangled up in my gowns I nearly strangled myself! :)

Hope you have a great Easter Marit!! So glad to be reading your blog again! :)

E.L.F. said...

Marit, I think my favorite comment of yours in the time I was there was when the urologist told you that you might have to stop during a race to pee "like the rest of us" (his words) and you said "a world champion does not have time to stop for a pee!" You were determined then and are still determined now. And I don't think stopping for a pee is in your future (though I think WC certainly is.....)

Cat said...

i LOVE your "random thought" on the right side bar.

ROCK those yoga pants, it's very so. cal.


Pedergraham said...

Even though you are on a "detour", I am loving following this curve-in-your-road just as much as I enjoy following along on your "regular" life!!!!
Can Nate keep up with you?

Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach said...


Ha ha! Poor Nate is trying - but he's actually sick with a pretty bad cold right now - so all things being even... no, he can't keep up. At least I can sleep. He's up coughing.

Yes - this is JUST a detour. And you know what? I'm kind of interested in seing how I do as well... you just never know until you actually experience something. Go figure.

To everyone else: Thanks for all of your kind comments and support!

Bree - you never write too much. Please don't apologize. Very sweet that you're doing IM Japan for the two of us. I choked up when I saw that... so incredibly touching... and I appreicate all of your prayers.

Jen - best coach ever. Enough said. Well, never enough - but your support, call, and encouragement has been incredible.

Beth - hospital gowns should come with warnings on them... I had a hard enough time with one, let alone two. But the fear of exposing my rear-end to even MORE people kept me on my toes. Yup, the nurses really DO run the hospitals.... make sure that you're nice!

Liz - I didn't even realize you were in the room when the urologist said those things! hee hee hee. What was I supposed to say? I'm so used to peeing on myself. And BTW - if I can manage Palomar from a spectator's POV on Friday, I will. if we're still intown, count me in. And the cake from VONS goes without saying... :)

Cat - meow! I am going out with Nate later on today or else first thing tomorrow to pick up more yoga pants. They are wonderful! Thanks for your support. CA Casual at the restaurant worked great last night. No need to spray anyone with the folley. That would have been gross. And we would have been kicked out. Boo!

Thanks again to all!

Mira Lelovic said...

I'm so glad you're out of the hospital and getting out and about. Hope the appointments with your physicians this week go well and they give you the "OK" to go home. You'll recover even faster once you're back in your own surroundings.

Anonymous said...

whom are you and nathaniel rooting for in the basketball? I graduated from UNC but honestly I could care less who wins - i just want to see well-played games.

the hospital gown thing is ridiculous. you'd think that they'd have better attire for you when they charge thousands of dollars per night. high comedy though.

great post, hopefully your butt will continue to support future bloggings without going to sleep on you prematurely.


Trigirlpink said...

Yeah! So nice to hear how speedy things are moving into the right direction. The HEALING direction! That is awesome you are out of the hospital. Just awesome. :-)