Saturday Observations

Hey there Sportsfans!

As usual, time has slipped away, and I find myself stuffed full of chocolate cake, sleepy, SORE, and happy that Dad and Nathaniel are such good company. All we need are Mom and Karyna, and the family would be complete. Throw in Tabbitha, and you've got a really full hose. However - given Tabbitha's attack-like disposition, combined with the fact that I don't want anyone else injured, Tabbitha would have to stay home.

If I've told her once, I've told her a thousand times: "Tabbitha - we don't attack our friends and family!"

But she never listens.

She just blinks, knowingly at me, and then lashes out at Nathaniel. Poor guy.

And our other friends.

(SORRY!)

FYI: Keep Caroline in your prayers this week - she's watching our House Monster while Nathaniel is keeping me company and playing a big role in my recovery.

Okay - where was I? Good question. Who knows? Not I. So proceed on, I will.

Great.

(Don't be alarmed - I talk to myself quite frequently. I find that for the most part, I make good company. Go figure. I think it explains a lot.)

Okay - I've been keeping a lot of mental observations over the past few days. On the drive home from the restaurant tonight (Dad took us out to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse - wonderful!) I started to tally up as many as I could remember.

Enjoy!

-Make sure you wear some sort of nipple protection with your hospital gowns. Ladies - a sports bra or regular bra works great. Guys - you're on your own. Unlesss you want to give the busten-halter look a try. Otherwise, bandaids would help a lot as well. The cotton of the robes isn't quite as forgiving as the fabric I'm accustomed to.

-While we're on the subject of hospital gowns: make sure that yours is properly fastened in the back. Yeah. Good stuff. Otherwise you might find yourself walking down the hallway to rounds of applause after you pass. Not that this happened to me - just something I thought about before requesting a second robe to wear front-to-back. All I'm saying is cover all your bases! And keep your bases covered.

-Wow. There sure are a lot of speed bumps in California. Quite a pain in the you-know-what. Especially if you just had surgery on your you-know-what you-know-where.

-Be aware that nothing that you show the nurses will surprise them. It doesen't matter if your apologize in advance, or give them fair warning. Which I did all last week. Hopefully with YOU, nothing will be new either. (But it doesen't hurt to apologize. How would YOU like to poke around someone's rear end?) Wait. Don't answer that. Sorry I asked.

-No shark sightings yet. But it doesen't mean I haven't spent plenty of time looking. I know that they're there...

-It's funny to see non-triathlon people (Dad and Nathaniel) react to the Pacific Ocean temperature (currently, a balmy 57 degrees). They jump and yelp in surprise. I smile and wade further into the surf.

-Post surgery and post accident, my body has decided to swell. Literally, it is swollen. I no longer have cankeles: hooray! Instead, everything from about mid-thigh level through my waist is thicker, solid, swollen. For the first time in recent memory, I look as thought I've got "back". "Baby Got Back" could be aptly applied to me, at this point. Go figure. Just fall of your bike, have major surgery - and voila! The perfect Brazilian Butt Lift!

-My clothes no longer fit. Yoga pants, SOFT cotton shirts, and sandals it is. Yippee! Nothing tight or constrained. And if anyone says anything to me about my appearance, I'll just spray them with my folley. hee hee hee. Because I can!

-Speaking of plastic surgery: wow - there's a lot that I've seen. Not all that great for a Midwestern-girl-at-heart-currently-living-in-Florida, who looks 20-30 pounds heavier, and walks around (to quote Bridget Jones!) "like she's got a giant gherkin thrust up her backside." Not the most fantastic time to look/feel bloated and slow. Oh well. My real body is just hiding, lying in wait until the perfect opportunity to emerge and reign supreme.

Did I just say that outloud?

:)

-The waiters and waitstaff at really nice restaurants look as though they're part of an intricate dance: one moves to the left bearing a tray of chocolate desserts, while the other moves to the right, balancing two trays of wine and water. Brilliant (although, we were hoping for a crash... would have thrown some drama into the evening. Alas, nothing happened.)

-When you're a nice patient on a tough hospital ward, the nurses will fight over which one gets to work with you. AND - if they really like you, they'll bring you extra cherry and strawberry jello. My nurses - especially Pam and Suzanne, were fantastic, and I will forever remember them. They brought me jello AND helped conduct a super-secret covert operation on my behalf.

Wednesday night, around 10:10 pm, I found myself being moved from one double room, to a private room. Quickly and quietly, Pam, Suzanne, and the floor assistant Carmelita, stealthily transferred me (on my bed), my drawers, bags, flowers, IVs, and other items across the 4th Floor West Ward. The mission was to give me a private room, so that Nathaniel could sleep in a cot beside my bed. I had been rooming in a double - which was scheduled to get an additional patient sometime in the middle of the night. So, operating under super secrecty (this was very unconventional, and my move wasn't approved by anyone else...a big no-no at this particular hospital), Camelita, Pam, and Suzanne moved me (strapped to the bed and slightly bewildered) into a different room.)

They were GREAT!

Morale of the story: be nice to your nurses!

-Now that I'm recovering, I'm beginning to itch. A lot. The road rash is NOT fun, and I woke up last night - not to the pain in my rear - but from my elbow road rash cracking open from putting the slightest amount of pressure on it. Go figure. Neosporin should be part of a race kit, if you ask me.

-This is the WRONG time to have it be "my time of the month." Which it now is. The good news: is that the sensory nerves that are in control of THAT particular bodily function are all in working order. Most excellent.

-Do not make comments on other people's blogs after taking pain medication. You might not follow your own train of thought. Something that I only do half the time, anyway.

-I feel other people's pain: while watching a player go down during the NCAA basketball tournament, I felt my butt involuntarily twitch. Not a pleasant experience, but great because THAT sensory nerve is working and accounted for.

-I am becoming a super stud at chaning out the overnight folley to the daytime folley. Simple! Down to 7 or 8 minutes from 20 (yesterday).

-Make sure that when you make any slightly or potentially embarassing statements over the phone, that you're not on speaker phone. Like I was. I thought I was talking to my Mother-In-Law, who used to work as a nurse. So there I went - chatting away about my medical issues, the good, the bad, the ugly - thinking that at least SHE would understand. Lo and behold, the entire Lauterbach family is now aware of my medical issues. The good, the bad, AND yes - even the ugly. They tried to understand, but I think they were more grossed out than anything else.

-People who are on speaker phone should be warned!

-I can still maintain my sense of humor and zest for life a few days after my accident. Sure, I"ve had a few down spots, but I've also had a few up times as well. That's life.

-You gotta roll with the punches!