Saturday, March 8, 2008

Writing Withdrawal

Wow - over the past few days, I've had several recurring questions/thoughts/ideas whirling around in my head. First, I have no idea how folks with kids and/or large families train for an Ironman. Nathaniel is a saint - putting up with my weird hours, long absences, and garbage-disposal-like-inhalation of food. Oh yeah - and my mood swings (but thanks to Beth, I'm working on being a postive person for 21 days. Thanks. Note the sarcasm...:) Just kidding....sort of?

Let's just say that its hard to be "Ms. Perky" after a 6:30 brick, when the house looks as though the gear closet has thrown up and all I can think about is MEAT!

Like I said before - Nate is a saint.
Second, I have no clue about how people with full time/"traditional" 9-5 jobs train for an Ironman. Wow. I am blessed/cursed to have a husband whose job requires constant moving, so the "traditional" work that I thought I would do (and need to do in order to feel "normal" in society - a whole different blog topic all together), isn't happening at this point. Yes, I have struggled with this, coping with the moving from one location to the other, while Nate pursues his dream and I try to figure out "what to do..." And while I am so so so happy that he's living his dream, it has taken me a long time to finally feel that I've gotten myself into a good rythm of my very own. Long story short: People who have responsibilities greater than simply themselves and train for an Ironman have my utmost respect.

Yesterday was fast, went by a lot quicker than I counted. In fact, my life within the past week or two has seemed downright hectic. And while I love what I'm doing, simply can't get enough of the training, the lack of downtime to do what I'm accustomed to doing (most notably writing....) has left me feeling a little empty.

Writing is my outlet - a place I go to clear my head, review my thoughts, figure things out. I love writing. Sometimes I'm in the mood to write stories, pooetry, or prose. Other times I just want to be philosophical. Additionally, I love reading (good writing), and find great joy in curling up on the couch with the computer, or good book. A sensation that can't be replicated, in my mind.

Additionally, I love writing my blog. Again - funny stories, happy stories, and on occasion a tear jerker or two.

Lately, its been difficult for me to sit and write the way I want, the way I feel accustomed to. I'm a night owl at heart; a creature of habit. I burn the midnight oil and get tremendous energy from staying up late and working. Hours pass, yet I do not feel the affects of sleep. I am lost in my own world, oblivious to all that surounds me. It is comforting, it is creative, and its simply something that I love.

However, I made a deal with myself that no longer would I stay up late to write. And I am determined to stick it through, as my health is very important. But I've found myself a little down as of late - partly from Camp HTFU witdrawl, but also because I haven't been sitting in front of the computer as I so love.

I thought that yesterday would be the perfect opportunity, but alas, I was wrong. The day dawned fresh, with the promise of sunny skies, and fun to be had by all (yea! Little sis is in town. Yippeeee!). I thought I had control of my schedule, my life. But agains - just as usual - life had her own sweet way of playing her tricks... and at 9:55 I found myself manically typing in front of the keyboard, trying desperately to finish a blog called "Perspectives."


Go figure.

Needless to say - as you're reading this, my Perspectives blog didn't get published. But at least I've gotten a page started... so its in the process. But it'll take time. And that, my dear friends, is something that has been lacking as of late.

(Again - go back to the "World's Worst".... blogger, email responder, friend, cat mom... you get the drift).

What have I learned?

Well - for starters, that I really love writing. And that emotionally I need an outlet to do so. To be continued on that front.

And I wouldn't, for a minute, change what I'm doing. I love it too much, love the training, love spending time with Karyna (she's only here for a week!), love being with Nathaniel, love the writing... I just wish that I had more time.

So to all my fellow IM-ers in training, and all of the Ironmen and Ironwomen out there - my hat goes off to you. Not only have you crossed the 140.6 mile race line, but you survived the training, survived the lifestyle. And I am very impressed (especially when you've got family and work piled in, on top of that).

I feel very foolish for writing this post, foolish for venting about my "hectic" schedule. But its all relative, I suppose. Camp HTFU was wonderful, an experience that I'll never forget. And Karyna being here is equally as great - and I wish we lived closer to each other, so we could see each other much more often. I am so impressed by the beautiful, smart, kind, passionate, wonderful woman that she's turning in to (yes - I'm a big sister, so I'm probably a tad biased... but she's still phenominal in my book!), and I want to spend as much time with her as possible (I leave for San Diego to train with one Smallie Biggs on Wednesday).

I really think that its all relative, its all your OWN perspective. I love what I'm doing, for the first time as a military spouse feel good about not following the "traditional" path for work, love the training, and am grateful to my friends and family for their support.

This is all new, a process full of unknowns. I laughed when I read Ashley's post about my being happy at my nutritional "bonk" after my long brick last weekend. In some weird way - I was grateful for the experience. I wanted to know what it felt like, to feel the affects, to see how my body responded. No - I didn't do it on purpose (far from it), but in my effort to tweak my IM nutrition, I oped to run off the bike without consuming enough calories.

Let's just say that Marit will NEVER make that mistake again.

But, the difference, my friends - is that now I know. Because I tried.

And this training, the hectic life in general - is just the same. I am grateful for the opportunities, grateful to have the experiences that I'm having, and am flying by the seat of my pants (at times). All part of the IM lifestyle, I suppose.

Everything in baby steps...

So yes, World, my name is Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach, and I am training for an Ironman. The race is soon - and already I am thinking about it. And that's okay. But life is hectic, life is busy, and I'm taking it all in as best as I can.

And next time.... well - next time you never know.

At least I'll be a little more prepared. At least I'll have gone through the experience. At least I'll have tried. And who knows? Perhaps I can extend my bedtime by another hour, and fall asleep around 10:30 or 11.

Big excitement at the Lauterbach place, I tell you!

Thanks to my family, friends, and supporters - you guys are keeping me grounded. Love to you all!


Pedergraham said...

I love the analogy about the gear closet throwing up!
Marit, don't be hard on yourself for not being "traditional". Our society needs more people like you who's aspirations are for more time to write, to spend with loved ones (and loved cat), and to do the things that truly fulfill you--like training with "Smallie Biggs". Those are the important things in life and even though you are a "Just a Kid", you've got it figured out.
Okay, I hope that wasn't too much of a rant--it was just my long-winded way of saying I like you just the way you use a Bridget Jonesism. :)

Anonymous said...

OH, we could go to town about being "traditional" and what society thinks we all should be doing. Oh, my! Me, working from home and having my own business is ABSOLUTELY frowned upon in the Traditional MOTHERING world...And, then...I spend my free time TRAINING. Gasp!! And, not as the President of the PTA... ;) But, we all wouldn't have it any other way. This IM training will too pass quickly - in about 30 days - and with your extra time you can write away! :) Jen H.

Bri Gaal said...

Who cares about traditional? You are lucky that you don't have to work! I am very envious of your situation :) Bri

Courtenay said...

great post marit!

you know, when you write for yourself, as you do as an outlet for your own self-expression, what results is SO much better than if you are writing just so other people can pat you on the back (as most other bloggers do).
you are an original and genuine person and it really shows in your writing - you "tri" and write for yourself and not for others - and I always enjoy reading what you have to say!

Continue to keep it real!