Writing Withdrawal

Wow - over the past few days, I've had several recurring questions/thoughts/ideas whirling around in my head. First, I have no idea how folks with kids and/or large families train for an Ironman. Nathaniel is a saint - putting up with my weird hours, long absences, and garbage-disposal-like-inhalation of food. Oh yeah - and my mood swings (but thanks to Beth, I'm working on being a postive person for 21 days. Thanks. Note the sarcasm...:) Just kidding....sort of?

Let's just say that its hard to be "Ms. Perky" after a 6:30 brick, when the house looks as though the gear closet has thrown up and all I can think about is MEAT!

Like I said before - Nate is a saint.
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Second, I have no clue about how people with full time/"traditional" 9-5 jobs train for an Ironman. Wow. I am blessed/cursed to have a husband whose job requires constant moving, so the "traditional" work that I thought I would do (and need to do in order to feel "normal" in society - a whole different blog topic all together), isn't happening at this point. Yes, I have struggled with this, coping with the moving from one location to the other, while Nate pursues his dream and I try to figure out "what to do..." And while I am so so so happy that he's living his dream, it has taken me a long time to finally feel that I've gotten myself into a good rythm of my very own. Long story short: People who have responsibilities greater than simply themselves and train for an Ironman have my utmost respect.

Yesterday was fast, went by a lot quicker than I counted. In fact, my life within the past week or two has seemed downright hectic. And while I love what I'm doing, simply can't get enough of the training, the lack of downtime to do what I'm accustomed to doing (most notably writing....) has left me feeling a little empty.

Writing is my outlet - a place I go to clear my head, review my thoughts, figure things out. I love writing. Sometimes I'm in the mood to write stories, pooetry, or prose. Other times I just want to be philosophical. Additionally, I love reading (good writing), and find great joy in curling up on the couch with the computer, or good book. A sensation that can't be replicated, in my mind.

Additionally, I love writing my blog. Again - funny stories, happy stories, and on occasion a tear jerker or two.

Lately, its been difficult for me to sit and write the way I want, the way I feel accustomed to. I'm a night owl at heart; a creature of habit. I burn the midnight oil and get tremendous energy from staying up late and working. Hours pass, yet I do not feel the affects of sleep. I am lost in my own world, oblivious to all that surounds me. It is comforting, it is creative, and its simply something that I love.

However, I made a deal with myself that no longer would I stay up late to write. And I am determined to stick it through, as my health is very important. But I've found myself a little down as of late - partly from Camp HTFU witdrawl, but also because I haven't been sitting in front of the computer as I so love.

I thought that yesterday would be the perfect opportunity, but alas, I was wrong. The day dawned fresh, with the promise of sunny skies, and fun to be had by all (yea! Little sis is in town. Yippeeee!). I thought I had control of my schedule, my life. But agains - just as usual - life had her own sweet way of playing her tricks... and at 9:55 I found myself manically typing in front of the keyboard, trying desperately to finish a blog called "Perspectives."

Perspectives.

Go figure.

Needless to say - as you're reading this, my Perspectives blog didn't get published. But at least I've gotten a page started... so its in the process. But it'll take time. And that, my dear friends, is something that has been lacking as of late.

(Again - go back to the "World's Worst".... blogger, email responder, friend, cat mom... you get the drift).

What have I learned?

Well - for starters, that I really love writing. And that emotionally I need an outlet to do so. To be continued on that front.

And I wouldn't, for a minute, change what I'm doing. I love it too much, love the training, love spending time with Karyna (she's only here for a week!), love being with Nathaniel, love the writing... I just wish that I had more time.

So to all my fellow IM-ers in training, and all of the Ironmen and Ironwomen out there - my hat goes off to you. Not only have you crossed the 140.6 mile race line, but you survived the training, survived the lifestyle. And I am very impressed (especially when you've got family and work piled in, on top of that).

I feel very foolish for writing this post, foolish for venting about my "hectic" schedule. But its all relative, I suppose. Camp HTFU was wonderful, an experience that I'll never forget. And Karyna being here is equally as great - and I wish we lived closer to each other, so we could see each other much more often. I am so impressed by the beautiful, smart, kind, passionate, wonderful woman that she's turning in to (yes - I'm a big sister, so I'm probably a tad biased... but she's still phenominal in my book!), and I want to spend as much time with her as possible (I leave for San Diego to train with one Smallie Biggs on Wednesday).

I really think that its all relative, its all your OWN perspective. I love what I'm doing, for the first time as a military spouse feel good about not following the "traditional" path for work, love the training, and am grateful to my friends and family for their support.

This is all new, a process full of unknowns. I laughed when I read Ashley's post about my being happy at my nutritional "bonk" after my long brick last weekend. In some weird way - I was grateful for the experience. I wanted to know what it felt like, to feel the affects, to see how my body responded. No - I didn't do it on purpose (far from it), but in my effort to tweak my IM nutrition, I oped to run off the bike without consuming enough calories.

Let's just say that Marit will NEVER make that mistake again.

But, the difference, my friends - is that now I know. Because I tried.

And this training, the hectic life in general - is just the same. I am grateful for the opportunities, grateful to have the experiences that I'm having, and am flying by the seat of my pants (at times). All part of the IM lifestyle, I suppose.

Everything in baby steps...

So yes, World, my name is Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach, and I am training for an Ironman. The race is soon - and already I am thinking about it. And that's okay. But life is hectic, life is busy, and I'm taking it all in as best as I can.

And next time.... well - next time you never know.

At least I'll be a little more prepared. At least I'll have gone through the experience. At least I'll have tried. And who knows? Perhaps I can extend my bedtime by another hour, and fall asleep around 10:30 or 11.

Big excitement at the Lauterbach place, I tell you!

Thanks to my family, friends, and supporters - you guys are keeping me grounded. Love to you all!